Slacker, poser, worthless, weak. All word’s of self-non-affirmation I have been circulating throughout my head since January. Lovely stuff. Stuff I know better not to think or say and would certainly never allow anyone I loved to say to themselves. But it comes into my head anyway.
You see, since my finish at Ironman Chattanooga I have consciously given myself a break from training, for many reasons. I felt my body needed to heal. I felt my mind needed to be trained upon other things in life like my family, books, getting back into the working world. All great things. But, I’ve discovered subconsciously I have not allowed myself this much needed reset. I’m still measuring my worth against what I’m failing to execute. Which is training. Which I have intentionally not engaged in! Kinda messed up eh? My plan was, and still is, to do a couple of running events and maybe an organized bike ride or two this year and reevaluate whether I want to do another Ironman after I’ve taken some time to just “have fun”. But, maybe training for Ironman is my “fun”. I’m hoping not! But what if I can’t settle in to “normal”? Clearly, I can’t sustain Ironman training perpetually so I had better figure it out!
In the meantime, I’ve been selected to be an Ambassador for my triathlon team Endurance Nation. Silly people, what were they thinking? Obviously they did not get my slacker status memo.
I am incredibly honored to represent this fabulous group of dedicated and wicked smart athletes. At the same time I feel like a poser in my current state of non-starter slackertude.
What I do know to be true is this: I will honor my commitment I made to myself at mile 15 of the Ironman run to break out of the Ironman tunnel I have been in for the last 5 years. I will enjoy being fully present with my family this summer. I will commit to being a cheerleader and representative to my Endurance Nation family as their Ambassador and I will set (and believe in) new measures of accomplishment so that I can quiet the mean girl in my head. In the interim I will watch some baseball
drink some wine